Tag: expat living

Uprooted: Our Burundi Exit

Our exit from Burundi was like molasses falling steady from a spoon, sticky and slow. Lifting ourselves from the land was a process full of attempts to stay. After several years of struggling to call Burundi “home,” now I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the place that had taught me so many of my best life lessons. Oh, the irony.

The day of Burundi’s coup d’état my kids were at school. I had heard heavy gunfire all morning but after weeks of violent protests, that was nothing new. We had been sending them off to school with the sound of tear gas bombs as their soundtrack. This day was somehow different; suddenly I felt my gut turn and I just knew- the time to get to school was NOW. The women in my family pride themselves on these moments, moments when an “other sense” kicks in with extreme clarity. I think it can also be called common sense but on this day, whatever it was, it served me well.

As we drove home from school, a street to our right was full of protestors heading for a police line. They were chanting and shouting, unleashing themselves in the energy of potential change as police in riot gear steadied themselves for conflict. When we reached the bridge to our neighborhood the police assured me that we could not pass, I assured them that we had to. Panicked motherhood won. What followed was a citywide celebration like nothing I’ve ever witnessed. For the next four hours the city roared with cheers as Major General Godefroid Niyombare rode through town on a tank announcing the end of the current presidency. The following morning there were no cheers, not a sound, besides the heavy artillery of tank fire. Our kids jumped on their trampoline as RPGs sounded off in the background. Eventually, the coup failed.

“Too many things are occurring for even a big heart to hold.”
— W.B. Yeats

Clarity had arrived. We wouldn’t be able to make life in Burundi work for awhile as a family. School could not possibly try to re-open after the coup, and even if they did I knew I wouldn’t be sending my kids. Most of the families at the school had already left and the ten-minute drive to school now felt like a country away, too much could happen between the “here” and the “there” for us to justify school. It was becoming evident after weeks of protests and living day to day, we all craved some stability and routine. We left the city to visit our friends at a mission hospital in the country. We attempted to work and live there for a few days, but it was clear that we couldn’t stay there long term either- as much as we all wanted to.

With dragging feet, we made the decision to leave Burundi for a few months. With coffee harvest still going strong and an entire team of people devoting themselves to producing our amazing Burundi coffee, we felt broken by our own wise choice. Ben would go back to Burundi after the kids and I settled into our previous home city of Durban, South Africa.

We landed with a thud, and since that thud my kids have taught me what true resilience is. They have jumped into new schools and new routines in a new country without any complaints, which is more than their mother can say. So here we stay, rooted but not, until the dust settles in Burundi and our baby girl (did I forget to mention that?) arrives in August.

Lately we’ve gotten a lot of emails asking where to buy Long Miles Coffee, thank you for the support. This list is not exhaustive at all, and availability is always changing as our coffees are produced in small lots and only seasonally available. Happy hunting!

USA

Olympia Coffee Olympia WA

Herkimer Seattle WA

Dogwood Coffee Minneapolis MN

Fika Grand Marais, MN

Eiland Coffee Dallas, TX

AUSTRALIA

Cartel Roasters Melbourne

EUROPE

Wild Kaffee Germany/Austria

June 9, 2015
Debunking 5 myths about expat life

I struggle with the idea of comparing lifestyles, because that’s not really what life is all about. That said, I do often feel like the expat lifestyle is easily misunderstood. Most expats have chosen the country they reside in, some landed there by chance, and others were forced through crisis to find a new home. I guess here I am speaking mainly about the expat experience I know, which is moving by choice to a developing nation.

1) Myth #1: Having household help means living a privileged life

There are movies about the allure of colonial life. The main character (a brave rugged British expat) arrives home, puts his hat next to him on the chair and in the time it took for him to cross the veranda and sit down, a gin and tonic has arrived born by the hands of a devoted house helper.

In my experience, it’s nothing like that. People often suggest that we live an opulent life because we don’t clean our own toilets. It’s true, not cleaning toilets is really great, but taking on household staff means looking out for them as well as their families. It means being married to their medical expenses, their family problems, the education of their children, and their dreams for the future. In short, it means adopting them as family. If you are anything like me, this idea almost as appealing as the thought of someone else folding your underwear. Even so, I’ve let our staff into my “inner circle” and they really are part of the family.

Now that we are so busy with our Long Miles, we really couldn’t function without the team of people who run our household. That sounds crazy, but the culture here is different and takes much more time and effort to navigate. For instance, it is not unheard of to spend an entire day waiting to buy more electricity credits to power the house. With frequent shortages of certain foods and supplies, having someone else spend 2 hours tracking down sugar instead of me is really appealing. Next time you want to tell an expat how “easy” they have it because they don’t clean their own toilet, think again. By having staff, they are managing people and taking care of an entire family unit beside themselves.

a rare adventure filled moment with friends

2) Myth #2: Life abroad is one big adventure

Today I am here in Burundi and my mom is getting her second round of chemo as she fights liver cancer. I wish I could be there and I won’t be because of our choice to make a life in Burundi. Expats miss family birthdays and Christmases and funerals. They show their kids pictures of family members on the 30-hour plane ride “home” because the kids have forgotten “which cousin is which” and they can’t remember what the USA looks like anymore.

leaving family behind

3) Myth #3: It’s Cool

For about 30 minutes in a 24-hour day I feel like I sort of MIGHT have myself together. I often sound like an crazy person. My French is poor and terribly accented and my Kirundi is even worse. I am generally a sweaty mess (lucky, everyone else is a sweaty mess too) and there is just nothing cool about sticking out like a sore thumb everywhere you go. As a recovering perfectionist, I am thankful for Burundi. I have learned lessons about vulnerability and courage here that I would not trade for any air-conditioned English speaking country on the planet.

celebrating countless birthdays away from grandparents

Myth #4: Traveling is practically the same as being an expat

The world seems to love lumping “expat life” and “traveling” together as if they are interchangeable. I can tell you one thing I know for certain, I am NOT on a vacation. As my friend Abby likes to say, “You really LIVE there.” There is a distinct difference between traveling to a place and living in it. I think we could all travel to MOST places in the world and find things to enjoy about that place for a short time. It’s when the dust has settled that the bravery begins.

Learning to live life in a foreign land is not really something travelers have to do. They are just passing though. Travelers don’t have to think about where their kids will go to school, how they will get groceries, or if they will ever see a sushi roll again. Travelers beware, when you are visiting expats in a foreign land take caution when throwing out phrases like, “It would be so EASY to live here” or “This is so much nicer than the United States.” Keep up that talk and your expat friend might just throw you to the hippos.

Myth #5: Expats have special powers and ride unicorns

The following phrase is completely untrue and I hear it all the time. Ready? Here goes… “I could never do what you do.” I will agree with the ethos of this statement, which seems to be that choosing the path we chose has not made for an “easy” life all the time. Moving any family half way across the world is not easy. Neither is learning new languages, trying to understand a foreign culture, or starting a business overseas. It’s no walk in the park, but neither are many of the challenges facing the modern day family. A United States dwelling couple working 80 hours between them, raising kids and perusing artistic ventures on the side… that doesn’t sound easy either. We all face unique challenges no matter where we are or what life looks like for us. Am I right? Although, secretly I reserve the right to carry on believing in unicorns.

March 28, 2014
Sometimes I want to fly away.

It’s true. I sometimes wish there was an open window and I could just fly myself “home” to the people who have loved me from birth and the places that I have seen forever. This week has been hard for me. The “toughness” of life in Africa has seeped into my being and I have found myself wishing I could just fly away. Until you have lived it, you might never know what I mean. We all have our own challenges that are unique to us in this life, and I am not saying my life is more of a challenge than yours… but I am saying there is a difference between visiting a place like this and LIVING IN IT. If you are going through something tough this week HERE IS ME saying to you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am journeying too. I’m having a “tough one” too and I appreciate your bravery and the decisions you are making to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

I sometimes go running on the streets of Bujumbura. I’m a “gym” or “health club” (or whatever you call it in the US of A) girl at heart, but sometimes the road calls and I just have to get on it. Often, as I run, Burundians will shout out, “COURAGE! COURAGE!” I love that in both French and English this word is the same. This week, via Brene Brown’s beautiful book The Gifts of Imperfection, I learned that…

“The root of the word courage is cor– the Latin word for heart. In one of it’s earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant, “To speak one’s mind by telling one’s heart.”

Now when people shout, “Courage!” at me I can’t help but think, “Thank you. I need it… but not for this run.” I need courage to tell my story even when it hits bumpy parts. Courage to continue on. Courage to stay firmly on the ground for the time being.

Love,

me

images DSLR and Hasselblad 501C

June 8, 2012
Be Inspired: The Kelleys in Haiti

The Kelleys are inspirational to me. Mostly for the way they pushed straight past “Someday we want to move to Haiti” and right into “We ARE moving to Haiti.” That takes guts, that decision to GO to CHANGE to GROW. It especially takes guts when you have a child and a thriving photography business, like Shannon. I admire them so much for taking a big step into the unknown, following their dreams to help Haitians and changing the way they do life.

I asked Shannon all about her experiences in Haiti so far, and since she is a gifted photographer, I asked her to share with us some of the moments she’s documented so far in Haiti.

{a little friend we have that lives at an orphanage}

Where are you guys from and what did you do before you decided to make the move to Haiti?

We lived in Knoxville, TN before our move to Haiti. I ran a wedding photography business and my husband was a drug and alcohol counselor.

{outhouses at an orphanage and Cap Haitian, Haiti}

What was it that drew you to Haiti?

I visited Haiti first time in January 2011. Before that, I LOVED to travel. I was an MK, had 20+ countries under my belt and loved seeing new places. Then I sat on a rooftop in Haiti on that January trip and realized I was home. I am ok if
I never visit another country again. And for me, that is huge. So I think it was God that drew us here.

{at an orphanage, this is one of the 2 beds there with 50+ and a well worn door}

Describe what it was like making the decision to move to Haiti?

Hard. Scary. and lonely. But I will say this, looking back at the decision, now that we are on the other side of it, it seems silly that we ever doubted or were scared. This has been a huge lesson of learning to trust in God’s plan 100%, even when people are telling you that you are crazy!

{my favorite tree ever}

What are you hoping to accomplish in your time there?

My biggest desire, for all we do here, is love Haitians and raise them up. We want to do life with them, to have them know that we love and support them. We don’t want to give a hand out, we want to empower them. We want to do life with them.

{beach time}

What do you hope your daughter will learn from living in Haiti?

Ah.I truly think Lena was born to live in Haiti. She breaks down walls with people that we can’t. I hope that she learns that life is hard and unfair, but that God is good all the time. I hope she learns love…regardless of skin color, wealth, status. I hope she learns compassion, and that living a life for others is worth it, despite the cost. I hope she loves life.

{Lena taking a nap in our bed}

What has been your family’s biggest challenge so far in Haiti?

Truthfully, our living situation. We are currently at a guesthouse that we help run and having people in and out all the time can be taxing. Don’t get me wrong, we enjoy the people we meet so much, but we have to be really cognizant of carving out family time.

{a little one at a clinic getting help for malnourishment and kids eating at their children’s home}

If you left Haiti tomorrow, what would you miss the most?

You know how you think back to vacations when your were little, or your mom cooking in the kitchen growing up? And you don’t necessarily miss the small things like the actual cookie but you miss the feel of that time and place in your life, and what those moments meant to you. And your soul longs for it. That is how I would miss Haiti, my soul would long for it.

{this lady sells nuts to make enough to eat and live on and sorting through coffee beans}

{an amazing lady who recycles for a living}

How can we support what you doing in Haiti?

We blog all our crazy adventures and the reality and hardness that life in Haiti sometimes deals us over at www.shannon-kelley.com/blog. We also rely 100% on donations to live here and would love to chat with you more if you are interested in aligning with us in our work here. Feel free to email me at shann@shannon-kelley.com

You all are such a loving supportive bunch, and you lift me up all the time… I would love it if you did the same for The Kelleys by commenting, “liking” and giving.

{all images Shannon Kelley}

May 9, 2012
The cope-a-meter.

I’m having an off day. One of those, “Why did we move here again?” moments that seems to be lasting for DAYS. Last week my cope-a-meter blitzed past “coping,” raced on towards “what the heck are we DOING here,” and then landed firmly in “I just really want some decent cheese.” If you need to know anything about living in Burundi, it’s that once you start dreaming about lands with better cheese… it’s over for you. At that point, the CHEESE point, the needle on my cope-a-meter officially broke.

Yes, we made a dramatic move and launched our family in a life altering direction FOR THE BETTER… but today I have nothing positive to say about it. TODAY being a family with our feet planted firmly outside our home culture is hard.

It would be a complete lie if I told you I didn’t STILL struggle with living my life here. As an outsider. The color of my skin, the language I speak, the culture I come from… NONE of it blends easily in this place. I KNOW we are capable of living here, of coping, of making it work. It’s just… I’m not sure I’m ok with just “coping.” When will we be THRIVING. Really, when?

I wonder if Myles will be ok learning in a French speaking school. Will French ever feel “normal” to him? I wonder if my kids will notice that I am just a little awkward in this place. That all its “foreign-ness” has me on constantly feeling like a teenager. I worry if living here will shape them in a NEGATIVE way that I could not predict. Could not prevent. Could not control.

Here I am.

A person who has to fight to believe in the good EVERYDAY.

A pessimism junkie.

It’s nice to meet you.

All images film, Hasselblad 501 C

April 30, 2012

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