Tag: Burundi

Living next door to you.

…

I just want to say,

that I see you…

even though I am cushioned

by things you lack.

My self aches.

It’s an unmovable ache.

It’s the ache of living next door

to YOU.

The ache of MY “haves” and YOUR “have nots.”

…

I want so badly to escape your story..

The truth is, it makes me UNCOMFORTABLE.

Poor uncomfortable me, while you, on the other hand…

actually struggle to survive.

…

I hate that you are right.

I DO “have everything” I need.

Poverty is like a hole

and it sucks anyone around

into it’s blackness.

…

There is hope, to be sure…

but sometimes I just can’t see it through the ache.

The ache of deformed-legs-man “walking” on hands.

The ache of swollen bellies on young littles.

The ache of baby dead in mother’s arms.

The ache of knowing that the pen you so badly want

WON’T fill your belly

or keep you safe tonight.

…

I see you,

even though sometimes I just want

to pretend you don’t exsist.

To look right past you banging on my window.

Seeing your pain saps me. Again, “poor me.”

I always SEE YOU…

and I wish I saw a different picture.

I wish I was seeing

a healthy-happy-roof-over-head-belly-full-of-food YOU.

August 9, 2012
Burundi Coffee Farmer: Benjamin from Musema

This is Benjamin. We met Benjamin along the side of a dirt road in Musema. He was picking coffee cherries from his trees, and our kids were climbing over a fallen tree nearby with some local kids. We had a minute, so I asked Benjamin a little bit about his life. Here’s what he had to say.

Station: Benjamin delivers his coffee cherries to Musema washing station.

Family: Married, with one wife. He has five daughters, who all married coffee farmers. He’s very proud of that.

Trees: Benjamin has 1200 coffee trees. That makes him a very successful farmer by Burundi’s standards.

Last seasons crop: Last year Benjamin produced more than a ton of coffee and got 630 Burundi Francs per kilo ($.50 per kilo). That means Benjamin made about $500.00 last year. He also got a end of season bonus, along with other farmers from the station, from Bean There Coffee for producing such great coffee.

This seasons crop: This year Benjamin is producing less coffee. Most farmers are producing more. He doesn’t know why this is. He thinks his trees will yield about 500-700 kilos of coffee cherry this year. Because the NYC price has dropped, Benjamin will only make 465 Burundi Francs per kilo this year ($.33 kilo). At best, Benjamin will make about $230.00 this year.

June 18, 2012
Sometimes I want to fly away.

It’s true. I sometimes wish there was an open window and I could just fly myself “home” to the people who have loved me from birth and the places that I have seen forever. This week has been hard for me. The “toughness” of life in Africa has seeped into my being and I have found myself wishing I could just fly away. Until you have lived it, you might never know what I mean. We all have our own challenges that are unique to us in this life, and I am not saying my life is more of a challenge than yours… but I am saying there is a difference between visiting a place like this and LIVING IN IT. If you are going through something tough this week HERE IS ME saying to you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am journeying too. I’m having a “tough one” too and I appreciate your bravery and the decisions you are making to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

I sometimes go running on the streets of Bujumbura. I’m a “gym” or “health club” (or whatever you call it in the US of A) girl at heart, but sometimes the road calls and I just have to get on it. Often, as I run, Burundians will shout out, “COURAGE! COURAGE!” I love that in both French and English this word is the same. This week, via Brene Brown’s beautiful book The Gifts of Imperfection, I learned that…

“The root of the word courage is cor– the Latin word for heart. In one of it’s earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant, “To speak one’s mind by telling one’s heart.”

Now when people shout, “Courage!” at me I can’t help but think, “Thank you. I need it… but not for this run.” I need courage to tell my story even when it hits bumpy parts. Courage to continue on. Courage to stay firmly on the ground for the time being.

Love,

me

images DSLR and Hasselblad 501C

June 8, 2012
The cope-a-meter.

I’m having an off day. One of those, “Why did we move here again?” moments that seems to be lasting for DAYS. Last week my cope-a-meter blitzed past “coping,” raced on towards “what the heck are we DOING here,” and then landed firmly in “I just really want some decent cheese.” If you need to know anything about living in Burundi, it’s that once you start dreaming about lands with better cheese… it’s over for you. At that point, the CHEESE point, the needle on my cope-a-meter officially broke.

Yes, we made a dramatic move and launched our family in a life altering direction FOR THE BETTER… but today I have nothing positive to say about it. TODAY being a family with our feet planted firmly outside our home culture is hard.

It would be a complete lie if I told you I didn’t STILL struggle with living my life here. As an outsider. The color of my skin, the language I speak, the culture I come from… NONE of it blends easily in this place. I KNOW we are capable of living here, of coping, of making it work. It’s just… I’m not sure I’m ok with just “coping.” When will we be THRIVING. Really, when?

I wonder if Myles will be ok learning in a French speaking school. Will French ever feel “normal” to him? I wonder if my kids will notice that I am just a little awkward in this place. That all its “foreign-ness” has me on constantly feeling like a teenager. I worry if living here will shape them in a NEGATIVE way that I could not predict. Could not prevent. Could not control.

Here I am.

A person who has to fight to believe in the good EVERYDAY.

A pessimism junkie.

It’s nice to meet you.

All images film, Hasselblad 501 C

April 30, 2012
Underneath the coffee trees

I love it under the coffee trees. Don’t you? We’re off to the coffee hills again tomorrow. I’ll be photographing more of the harvest process and Coffee Guy will be talking with farmers and making sure the coffee cherries are being processed correctly .

I can’t wait. Being among the coffee trees re-connects me with the very reason we made such a dramatic move in the first place. My boys run free in their gum boots in the middle of Africa and my heart swells a bah-zillion times.

Love,

me

April 26, 2012
Family On Polaroid Film

Today I was talking to some friends about joy. Specifically about what gives us joy. Photography and family were the two things that immediately popped into my head. Yes, I LOVE photographing other things… but I feel so much joy photographing my boys’ journeys into grown-up-hood (lets face it… they might protest this whole thing soon!). Like that photograph of my Biggest Little and his “Myles’ Magic French Words” card. We made him that so he had words he could show his teacher if he was struggling to understand French at school. Lentement means slowly, in case he wanted his teacher to speak more slowly. I don’t think he ever used his magic French cards at school, but it made him feel more secure having them. Now he doesn’t even take them to school anymore. He just speaks.

So much of life can be forgotten so quickly. We humans adapt and adjust, and before we know it… we forget that things were ever different. That’s why I photograph them… so that I remember how we like to make a game of having no electricity, that they once loved to cuddle, that my Littlest Little sometimes puts his foot up on the table after he’s eaten breakfast, that they can’t get enough of building towers or hijacking the nearest computer. I never want to forget, because it all goes SO FAST doesn’t it?

Love,

me

Hasselblad 501 C,

with Polaroid back

Fujifilm FP-3000B

February 22, 2012
Jute sacks on the mend… and life.

I hate to admit it…

(because it might be just a little bit cheesy)

but I saw myself in these pitiful jute coffee sacks.

What is it

about life here…

that keeps me so totally raw

all

of

the

time?

As if THAT NEEDLE is passing through

me

EVERY

DAY.

Do you know what the French word for DAY is?

journee

I can’t help but see the symbolism.

Every

DAY

is

A

JOURNEY.

(I am SHOUTING that, right NOW)

Throughout this

JOURNEY

HERE in THIS PLACE

I have felt so totally out of control.

As if I was loosing my mind, my soul, my everything.

Well, you guys know…

you’ve had to

READ IT.

But the clouds are clearing.

The holes seem to be mending.

SOMEONE

is

piecing us all

back together.

One

stich

at

a

time.

A new season is

HERE…

and

the coffee harvest

is only a few weeks away.

love,

me

Coffee bag mending for the 2012 season

Gacokwe Washing Station, Burundi

ISO 400, 1/1600 sec, f/1.6 (if you care about that stuff)

February 21, 2012
Family Post

Today I’m taking a step back. Looking at the last few months in pictures. I am blown away with gratitude. I am so grateful. Grateful for the journey we are on. Grateful that we live here even though IT’S TOUGH sometimes. Grateful for the people in our lives (the ones we see every day and the ones we don’t).

Thanks for sticking with us.

February 10, 2012
The Burundi Details.

I LOVE being in the coffee hills. They are THE PEOPLE we moved here for. Being up there with them always reminds me of the reasons we gave up that other life, changed course, and set up camp in Burundi.

Wedding photographers talk about “detail shots” a lot. What the flowers, the decor, and the dresses were like. I had a chuckle about this on Saturday (the wedding-ist-crazy day of the week) while we were in the coffee hills with some amazing guests from our organization, The Navigators. I realized that while I was photographing dirty feet and age old bikes, others were probably busy photographing pretty flowers and beautiful gowns. Mine is a whole different kind of detail. I love it though!

This is the same community that I wrote about here… and let me tell you, they have captured my heart. I can’t wait to spend more time with them! Really, they are beyond amazing and I love that we are developing such an exciting relationship with them. More on that in my next post.

The building project you see? That’s drying tables for the coffee, in progress.

Love,

me

February 6, 2012

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